I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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