I want to make a zoo with you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
