We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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