By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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