he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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