So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
