You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
