I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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