come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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