This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my being single is dangerous.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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