Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door