Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
