It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
