im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
