hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
