no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
