covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
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do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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