She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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