Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
