3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
