jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
