yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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