I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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