Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
