Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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