I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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