i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize