I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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