he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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