Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
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Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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