he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize