KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
