How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
