i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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