Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
