everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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