is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
