It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
