I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
