What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
