Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
