this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
