Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
