fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
