Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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