Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
