we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
