apparently the secret to your success is patron
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
