If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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