I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
