Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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