need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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