My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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