I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
