the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
