I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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