I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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